For the past few months I have had a huge change in perspective and general mood... for the better. I have spoken endlessly on here about when I feel rubbish and although it is useful and VERY important to get that stuff off your chest and out in the open it can also be a hindrance.
I have realised that constantly talking about negative things has lead to constant negative thought processes which in turn lead to more negative outbursts, which no one enjoys. Not me and not the people around me.
So I started reading positive words, looking up inspirational things like KIND SPRINGS (which I did a post about a while back), watching videos and films that make me feel good and hell even simply listening to an upbeat song while dancing around in my underwear. I got to the point where I realised that although you definitely can’t force happiness (and you shouldn't) it can be encouraged to pop out occasionally.
For me it has been finding my more spiritual side, I've read up on Buddhism, learned about crystals and even started meditating. Now I can’t say I will turn vegan and go live in a wigwam however I have found something that makes me feel at peace and taught me that being right here and now is what I was missing. Too often was I looking into the past and thinking about how I could have done things differently... better, or living in the future and being convinced that everything will be perfect, I will do great things and it will be so much better than now without me really doing anything. I stopped, took a look around and noticed that where I am isn’t so bad and I was so preoccupied that I forgot that I am living, right now and that if I want to do good things and feel fulfilled I am the only person that can do that. So I am going to do it.
It’s time to appreciate all that I have and go and do everything and anything I am drawn towards, following my instinct when it feels right to do something. Not worry about what has been and gone anymore, feeling like I should have lived differently. I am starting to wonder if there is a rhyme and reason to the way life works out the way it does and you know what, even if there isn't I may as well enjoy it and make the most of it all.
This will start with making a list of things I want to do, they might be small, big, some even damn near impossible, surrounding myself with people that are positive and lift me up, do the things that make me happy even if I am alone in doing so!
Now if I lose track of why I’m doing this and sink back into old ways I will re-read this post and take my own advice that I gave a friend today - whenever I feel down I am going to take the time to physically write down a list of all the things that are making me happy at that time however insignificant they may seem. And smile.
So here is to saying yes to opportunities, regardless of how scary, big, simple or small they appear. It won’t be easy, if it were I would already be doing it but I want to give it a hella good try.
Phew .... so I have actually loved writing this, I guess it is kind of like a diary entry and probably is boring and nonsensical but it is extremely cathartic. I encourage anyone who is unsure of how they feel about anything to try it, it will make your thoughts so much clearer. I even feel empowered and strong, yes me, that girl who is 22 and sat in pyjamas with a cup of tea while blasting the Wicked soundtrack at 11.30pm feels strong.
Come join me because you know I’m going to start documenting this as well!