Where Have I Been?!?!?!

It's been TIME and oh wow, this feels very strange.

My life has been somewhat of a whirlwind these past few months and so my blog (and pretty much all social media) has been put well and truly on the back burner.

Sorry 'bout that.

Buuuuut turns out I crazy miss it all!

So this is my attempt at getting something out there when I actually have a few minutes spare. In truth I have work I should be doing but I'm pretty darned ill and that's a good enough excuse to not be doing it, right?

Why have I been so busy lately I hear you ask? Well as mentioned in previous posts such as this one I applied to do a PGCE and turns out a university wanted me. I'm as surprised as you are!

So I quit my job of nearly 3 years (best feeling in the world!) and went back to school at the start of September and since then it's been crazy. I'm still unsure if it's a good crazy or not.

Whether this turns out to be the best or not so best choice I've made it's happening and I'm going with it. Wish me luck and I'll keep you updated I have no doubt!

Now when going into teaching, social media is a bit of a land mine so I'm aware that if I really want to keep doing this I'll have to step delicately. Hopefully not much will actually have to change on here but just in case you notice anything a bit different that's what's going on!

x

Going Back to School.

I never thought I'd want to be a teacher, then a friend suggested it to me and got me to go to her school for 2 weeks to experience what it was like.

I have gone back and forth on a lot of career options but none have stuck for any length of time, I couldn't imagine myself doing them every day of my life. All I knew was I wanted to do something in science.
I have a degree in Biology and have always loved science, I like most aspects of it and that's where the main issue arose. I didn't know how to choose one path, stick to it and stay happy with my choice. Then the aforementioned friend pointed out to me that if I taught it I would have to learn and get involved in all areas of science!

Problem solved.

So I went and bought myself a whole heap of new smart clothes [apparently harem pants and crop tops aren't entirely appropriate....] set up two weeks in the school and became "Miss"!

I've been in a real life rut recently [hence no posts for over 2 months ... soz!] and although I was unsure of how this would turn out I really wanted it to go well so that I might finally have direction in my life. Aaaaaand I loved it! The kids were great, the staff were so friendly and the whole atmosphere was amazing.

So what's the next step? Well I've applied for a PGCE in secondary school science (with Biology), have sent off references and once they're done will wait to hear if any of the universities I've applied to will take me on! Oh and obviously the best bit about this whole plan? NEW STATIONARY PEOPLE!

Fingers crossed that it works out..... and that I don't actually absolutely hate it!

x

5 Things They Don't Tell You About Starting Work.

I left university almost two years ago now and let me tell you it hasn't quite gone the way I envisaged it would.

I don't think I'm alone in my thinking that once I graduated I would soon be moving out, I'd have a job that I loved, be earning enough money to go travelling/buy a few luxuries and be socialising with all the other grown ups.
Well here I am 22 months on working in a small office, living with my parents and I have only been away once in that time. My life is by no means bad and I want to reiterate the fact that I am VERY happy right now (the happiest I've been in a long time actually, woo me!) however the path has definitely diverted somewhat and that's what I want to show you here - that no matter what life ACTUALLY has planned for you it's still gonna be pretty awesome!

I might not be an employment guru having only recently delved into the depths of work and can't promise everyone will experience the same things BUT I'd like to share what little knowledge I do have and maybe prepare others for what might happen in the future. So if you feel like you want a bit of info read on!

#1 Education does not guarantee a job -

This might seem obvious to most but lets be honest you kind of expect to have an actual job doing something you planned and enjoy within a few months of searching right?
Nope, sadly this happens very rarely... it can happen though so definitely don't be disheartened, go for your dream job as soon as you can!
Unfortunately for the majority you will start applying for jobs only to find that education is not enough. As so many people have degrees these days companies look for something extra, someone they can see has more than just a theoretical understanding of the industry and who can be plonked into a new position and get stuck straight in!

Do not panic my dear friend though as there are solutions!

 . Experience is the key, to bump yourself ahead of other applicants make sure you get experience when you can, whether it be working part time whilst in education (always nice to earn a little extra cash too), volunteering or simply talking to people in the business, just getting your name known will help immeasurably. It's super important to actually be able to show you have not only an interest but a strong knowledge base in the job you want to do.

. Don't go to uni.

Yup I said it, let it sink in. I know that I went and I am glad I did to an extent but my future plans were and possibly still are to get into science and most of those jobs do require a degree. However a lot of jobs actually don't so although your school, college, friends, parents and dog (yup he's being a bit of an asshole) keep talking about university because it's just the done thing, it's not true for everyone.
No one ever talks to you about the other options but shock horror, there are some. A lot of people will actually find it more beneficial to just start working, there are 1000's of apprenticeships that lead to amazing jobs or it will get you on the ladder of working your way up.

So before you apply because you think it's "the next step" have a serious think about if it's right for you. If it's not then make other plans, but I urge everyone to do their research because it will save you a lot of time and lets face it money (uni ain't cheap yo).

So you have a degree or/and relevant experience but the next point could still be something you face.

#2 You might need to do some unexpected jobs first - 

Your dream job role might not be available just yet, you might not live close enough to it, you might find you need to work your way through a company to get it or it could be that you actually have no idea what that dream role actually is. Wherever you fall on this spectrum chances are your first full time job won't be the one you had in mind.

Finding a job is difficult, like really difficult. There are too few jobs and too much competition so my advice - don't be picky! I was lucky in that I didn't know what it was I wanted to do so was open to any opportunity and free to amble through all the jobsites and newspapers and take my pick (well sort of, obviously a lot of jobs have specific person specifications that I don't meet yet!)
If you apply for pretty much everything you could end up being pleasantly surprised when you're in a job that you love but didn't expect, the more applications you send off the more you increase the chance of getting a job.

A side note to this is if you apply for a lot and don't hear back, don't give up. When it comes to job hunting persistence and positivity is the only way to get through it, no one enjoys writing CVs and cover letter after cover letter but when you are working and earning you won't even remember how annoying it was!

#3 Starting wages won't necessarily be what you were hoping  - 

You're probably at an age where you are starting to gain an appreciation for money and just how much stuff can cost, but I can tell you now it's a completely different story when it's your money that you are working to earn.

A typical starting wage isn't a huge amount sadly, especially for those that have education but little physical experience. Companies will use your inexperience as an excuse to pay you less even if you are perfectly competent. Once you have proven your abilities it will increase so work hard and it will pay off.

The main point here though is to realise that you won't be able to live the life your parents or other older people do because you just won't earn enough. Some sites say that graduates will earn between £18,000-£24,000 but from what I've seen with the jobs that I'm able to get with the work expereince I have it's more like £12,000-£16,000 - which spread over a year doesn't go very far!

Just be prepared that some of your plans might have to wait a little while, but trust me you will get the eventually and it will be saweeeet.

One plan that I had that has been somewhat scuppered is my next point (nice segway, good job).

#4 You probably won't move out (and maybe shouldn't)

Much like going to uni, moving into your own place is just assumed, turns out it's really freaking expensive to do! Most people can't afford to do it straight away, as mentioned in the above point, first salaries don't always cover it - in fact in 2013 over 3.3 million adults in the UK aged between 20 and 34 were living with parents (yeah I know more stats, sorry).

Money isn't the only issue when it comes to getting your own place - you need people to live with as the more people you have in a house the less the rent will be.
The people you'll want to live with are likely to be friends but problem here is you're all looking for jobs and in some cases the only option you have is to move somewhere closer to where you'll be working. This means you and your proposed housemates are wanting to live in completely different areas and living together just isn't feesable. Eeesht who knew it got so complicated!

So if living with your parents is the case for you (as it is for me) do not be shocked or disheartened because a HUGE number of people are in the same boat. If you're lucky this won't even become a problem because a) you will find a lovely bunch of people wanting to live in the same area b) you can house share with strangers who become the lovely bunch of people wanting to live in the same area or c) you earn the big bucks so move out on your own and spend your time rolling around on your mattress made of £100 notes.

Some of these people that have the option to move still choose to stay at home, yes choose! There are so many reasons to take this path - if you have a good family relationship then why not hang around with them for a bit, if you live near your work moving straight away is unnecessary and it can lead to my final and most important reason to stay at home .......

YOU. CAN. SAVE!

Yeah it seems not paying anywhere near as much rent as having your own place (but it's nice to contribute a little something) and not paying for bills or food (whilst having most of your meals cooked and staying in your super cozy bedroom) is cheap!

If you make the most of this opportunity you can end up having A LOT of money and money means allowing yourself a few splurges, like a new camera (I definitely didn't do this) or an ipad (or this) or even a car (nope 100% not) which there is no way you could do if half your pay (you heard right about HALF) is going on rent and bills etc.

Or if you start saving crazy hard you could end up going travelling or even buying your own place instead of renting! See so many positives for living at home!

#5 Don't be afraid to change and try things

Through most of your childhood/teen years you will hear the question "What do you want to do when you are older?" and you're expected to give one, definitive answer and choose a single career that you will do for the rest of your life.
It won't surprise you to hear that between the ages of 14 (when you are supposed to start planning your career goals) and 21 (when you're likely to actually start working) you change. A lot. You're opinions, interests and values will change so drastically in this period of your life that your job dreams are also likely to change - that's okay and normal! Not only that but you might finally get the job and discover it's not for you.

The thing about all this is that you are still soooo young and it's not said often enough but you can chop and change as much as you like! I suggest trying to stick things out for a little while as companies like to see you don't just get bored and move on constantly but if you don't want to do it, you don't have to. Be sensible and make sure you have the ability to actually live before you go quitting, but you're going to spend the majority of your life at work and that life is way too short and important to spend it being unhappy.

If you've made it to the end I'm impressed, thank you for reading and sticking with me! What I really wanted and hope you take from this is your life might end up a little different to planned but different isn't necessarily worse, certainly isn't failure and you have time, so much time.

x

Knowing when to get help.

So it's time for a bit of a chat. Sit down and grab a cup of tea... or coffee which ever you prefer just make sure you bring some biscuits. Chocolate digestives.

I wanted to take this opportunity to talk about when you're feeling a bit under the weather. By that I mean you feel utterly crappy and have no idea why or what to do about it.
My entire life I've been a fairly laid back person, direct quote from my mother "If you were any more laid back you'd be comatose". Thanks mum, but you get the idea. The point here however is that I don't know when that changed, all I know is that it did, and not in a good way.

I felt the need to give this a mention because it seems I'm not the only one. Obviously I was aware that this was a big issue for many people, but when you yourself are in that situation, it all becomes a bit more real. As self-centered as that may sound I think we all know it's sadly true.
I've been at uni for the past 3 years and all I've ever heard people say is how it was the best time of their lives. Don't get me wrong here, I loved a lot of it, the people I met I won't ever forget and there were plenty of times that I felt 100% happy that I was there. It was towards the middle of second year that I started to notice I was changing as a person. I wasn't happy a lot of the time, I was irritable and anti-social.
But it finally to the forefront of my awareness when I was writing out my new years resolutions this year (towards the end of my final year as a student). I put my pen down and started to read through them all, then I got stuck on one and just kept re-reading it over and over.

"Be happy".

I was genuinely telling myself to try to be happy. How had I become a person that felt the need to do that? I can honestly say that I haven't once before in my whole 21 years of existence had to force happiness upon myself. It was always just sort of there.
I would always make the most of the situations I was in, I got to a point in my life just before uni where I felt fairly confident (I've never had great self-esteem). Then it was just .... gone.

It's hard to put into words really. Looking back over the past, say, 7 months I realised that I had become the type of person that I really didn't like. I didn't want to see people, god forbid I'd actually have to meet new people. I've never been amazing with new people, always nervous, not sure what to say, but that's all pretty normal. This time though I detested even the thought of it, was scared, but also just couldn't be bothered with it all. Everything felt like too much effort. Uni work, job, friends, everything.

Going from being someone that's known for being "bubbly" to, well a recluse that is perpetually pissed off isn't all that much fun.
I'd been struggling with motivation and physical exhaustion for a long while and although the doctors gave me iron for being anemic, not much changed. Unfortunately I think this played a huge role in my mental state. When you are so tired you can't physically focus your eyes on anything, you don't necessarily feel up to getting yourself out of that bad place you've comfortably curled up and settled in.

So this is my story. I hope to go and find help as therapy was suggested to me as a possible aid.

The reason I shared this with anyone that happens to read this post is so we can bridge that gap. Realise that mental health is a genuine issue for many people. If more people talk about their experiences and less people judge, perhaps these problems would lessen. Individuals won't feel embarrassed about talking about feelings and maybe suggest they want to talk to a professional. It's what they're there for after all.
Hey, if acceptance was a more common personality trait I'm almost certain the number of young people and even older with depression and issues with self-harm and even substance abuse issues would decrease exponentially.

Yes there will be those people in your life that don't understand, but understanding and accepting are two very different concepts. If there are those that can't accept (and yes I have them too) then perhaps talk less to them about it. But most importantly please, please don't let someone make you feel guilty or wrong for feeling the way you do. Just because another person says to you "Why can't you just be happy?" "What have you got to  be depressed about?" it doesn't make you wrong. Calmly explain you are going to get help and that should be enough.
I don't think I can say it better than Stephen Chbosky in The Perks of Being a Wallflower - "And even if somebody else has it much worse, that doesn't really change the fact that you have what you have.” Remember it's fine and, to be honest pretty normal to feel  a bit shitty, no matter how "good" your life may seem to onlookers. Along with that my other favourite quote that perfectly describes how I personally felt and still feel - "And I want you to know that I am both happy and sad and I'm still trying to figure out how that could be.”. Being sad, or happy for that matter is not a permanent state. It will change. One minute someone is laughing with friends, the next they are right back down at the bottom. If you can relate to any of this stuff please go and read this book. Like right now.

So I want to end with a little phrase that I'd like to think if more people agreed with it would make this whole discussion a lot easier. So say it with me - "We aren't mad, we might just need a bit of help sometimes and that's okay"
Because it is. If you need it, it's there, go find it, it could be a parent, a friend, a professional, a teacher or even someone on the internet that wrote a rambling blog post about her uninteresting life (jokes aside, my coments/email/twitter/tumblr are all there for you to click the hell out of).
Just trust and I promise it'll work out, for all of us.

>Side note I will write a slightly less emotional filled post about uni. Don't go and rip up your UCAS applications just yet<

The curse of indecision and fear of growing up.

So this is going to be personal, a little fluffy and moochy but hey that’s what blogs are for right?

I've always been one to change my mind and be somewhat fickle when it comes to passions, interests and more relevant to this post... career choices. There’s the urge to continue focusing on the subject I've been involved with for the past 3 years fighting with the urge to follow a different path after finding enjoyment in more creative ventures.

It would be a lie to say I am 100% pleased with the decision to go to university but a degree will no doubt be a useful attribute to have on a CV when eventually trying to find a job in a few months time. The last 6 months to a year though have at one time or another led to me feeling the lowest I've ever felt before and that has been the major contribution to thinking that perhaps I need to search alternative options and not just purely science careers. Not only that but it has confirmed that I definitely will not be doing full time education again ... ever.

The worst bit is that there isn’t even one thing I could point out that has fuelled this feeling of self-doubt and uncertainty, all I can hope is that whatever comes from it will be positive.

Struggling with final year seems to be a resonating emotion through many students, heaps of assignments with the added pressure of career choices, not to mention trying to have a resemblance of a social life!!

As previously mentioned I want to take this crappy heap of bad juju that I get from being in the uni situation and try as hard as I can to make it good. Whether that be relighting an interest in science or moving on to something utterly different it has given me the realisation that I’m young and as much as people have told me to go to uni and choose a career I have so much time to try things, none have to be permanent. How can people expect us to decide life decisions at such a young age and think we’ll still have the same passions and values a few years down the line? Everyone changes hugely between the ages of 17 (the age most of us feel we need to have a solid plan mapped out) and 21 (the age we actually will likely head into our first jobs) so I say why not have the opportunity to sample jobs?
Added to this is the push to go to university, there are so many options particularly now the prices have risen so much. There is far too much pressure to go and do further education after college and I feel for me if there had been other choices shown to me and had I been told that these are also okay then perhaps I wouldn't have chosen to continue to degree level. But that's not to say that university isn't good, for some people it's ideal and that's also great, this is simply my opinion from my experience here.

Having anaemia has meant the last year I have been constantly drained of energy and void of any kind of motivation, which kind of made me a little depressed and I found I was moody, snappy and becoming someone that I really didn't like very much. Now I’m going to work on getting that under wraps and get back to actually enjoying my hobbies and hopefully that will aid in my career hunt, focusing on me, earning some money, getting my own place and being happy in who I am and what I’m doing.

Writing all this out has helped to visualise the changes I want to make, perhaps not the easiest thing to do while I’m still at uni but that’ll end soon and I might as well do what I can now.

Also the thing I've really taken from all this, that I want to voice to anyone in the same position, is that life is always changing and if you want to stop what you’re doing and try something new, that’s fine you don’t have to be defined by one thing. Variety is awesome.

So I may grow older but, like Peter Pan himself, I refuse to grow up, in his playing pretend he gets to experience being so many different characters, and so that is my plan.